


Tired

by meggie07959



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Post-debut, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Sickfic, fluff hopefully
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29740233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggie07959/pseuds/meggie07959
Summary: Hanbin’s tired. After working on countless songs for his group, YG asks for him to write another song in 3 days. He finally breaks down and leaves everything.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Hanbin | B.I, Jung Chanwoo/Kim Hanbin | B.I, Kim Donghyuk/Kim Hanbin | B.I, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jinhwan, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Song Yunhyeong, Kim hanbin/everybody
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	Tired

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!! So this is my first ever fanfic, so it might feel a little inexperienced. I know the iKON fandom has been a lil different this past year, but I don’t want iKON content to die out. I wrote this story before the whole Hanbin situation, but I just never posted it. It takes place during iKON’s second survival show when Hanbin doesn’t show up to a dance practice. I decided to write about this and add my own thoughts on it to make it a whole story. Therefore, I just wanted to remind everyone that this is just made up and is based on a real life incident. But anyway I talked too much! Hope you enjoy! I love my lil hanbin 🥺

“You have three days to create the song” states YG with a nonchalant face like it was obvious that he could do it.  
“I will expect a great song from you”.

Hanbin was starting to feel sick. How could he do it? Three days is hardly enough time... he tried to suppress the anxiety, but the lights from the stage mixed with the multitude of cameras pointed at him were certainly not helping. And, like usual, he can’t refute YG. 

“Yes” says B.I without complaining, even though he was already so stressed from having to remix a song for their previous monthly evaluation and teach his members an entire dance. He could feel the pity radiating off of his brothers next to him, but he pushed it off and started walking towards the back of the stage. 

He felt himself start to have a panic attack, but with no where to go, he just sat down and tried to think of what song he could scrap up to present to YG. 

All he could think of was that he couldn’t let his members down. He needed to make a good song for them. The other members started to file into the room, but Hanbin was feeling more alone than he had felt in a long time.

On the ride back to the way too familiar practice room, he frantically wrote down ideas that he could use for composing. Although he had 5 other things he had to do as well tonight, he tried to push them off for a later day.

He felt somebody put their hand on his shoulder. Surprised he flinched, only to realize it was just Yunhyeong. 

“Hey, you doing okay?” he asked with a look of worry on his face.

“Of course hyung” was all Hanbin could force out without wanting to cry.

Yunhyeong could tell that he was really not fine. The bags under Hanbin’s eyes kinda gave it away.

“Just please let me know if I can do anything to help you”

Hanbin told himself that this was just another one of those times where he would just have to spend multiple all nighters working and then everything would be fine. Although he knew this, he still felt uneasy. 

As soon as they got the to studio, Hanbin went straight to working while the others worked on dancing. He saw Yunhyeong give a look of worry to Bobby and Jinhwan.

——————————————————

Yunhyeong looked at his members with a face filled with worry. He wanted to stop B.I and ask if he could help or get him some food, but before he could even get out a word, he was down the hall and into his studio. 

He turned to the two youngest and smiled at them. 

“He’ll be fine after tonight” he said even though he didn’t completely believe his own words. But his members’s faces looked slightly less worried and that was all that mattered.

They had all watched Hanbin as he worked himself to death for their most recent evaluation. No only was he the leader for his sub group, but he also had to look over the rest of the team and everybody could tell that it was taking a toll on him. 

Everyday his under eye circles would get darker as he worked through countless nights. He wondered how long Hanbin could go before he gave out. 

——————————————————

In the studio, Hanbin was working with no progress. Staring at the bright screen as the blankness of it stared back at him.

He had no idea what YG really expected him to create as all he was told was to “create a song for all the members to preform.” He needed to finish an outline for the song at most by the morning because he was expected to show it to YG at 10am. 

At that very thought he started to work again. He feared YG’s criticism the most and, while he was running on at most 2 hours of sleep, he continued writing. 

Around 3am in the morning is when he really started to panic. 

The drowsiness he was experiencing from their recent evaluations was finally starting to take a toll on him. His head was pounding like a thunderstorm and his chest hurt. 

With a sorrowful look at his phone, the text he saw made his headache increase by at least 10 fold. Hongseok, one of the new members to the team, was struggling with the dance and the others wanted him to come down earlier in the morning to help him.

He had barely any time left to work on the song, but he had to help. 

Three hours later, Hanbin was almost done with the outline, so he went down to the practice studio to help Hongseok. 

When he got there, Hongseok was no where to be found.

Hanbin decided to text him but soon realized that he wasn’t going to get a reply. Although he needed to work, he decided to trust Hongseok and wait a little longer.

In the meantime he decided to practice their new dance, however, as soon as he stood up, he began to see stars.

He tried to maintain his balance, but in a matter of seconds, he hit the floor. He banged his elbow on the ground and started violently coughing. 

He was so so so tired and he felt like the world was collapsing around him.

Hanbin slowly limped back to his studio, only to realize it was 9 am and he needed to meet YG in an hour. 

He transported his work to a flash drive and went to put clothes on. When he looked in the mirror, he was shocked to see how tired he looked. 

His skin was pale and his under eye circles suddenly felt darker than they had in the past month.

Without a second thought, he turned away from the mirror and headed to the car, ignoring how hard his head was pounding. 

————————————————-

“This isn’t good enough” 

Hanbin looked down. He knew that but hearing it said out loud made him feel 10 times shittier. 

“I expect more from you B.I” said YG with a look of disappointment on his face. Hanbin could feel YG’s cold stare.

“You need to work harder” was all he heard next from YG who seemed like he could care less Hanbin’s struggles. 

All Hanbin could do was nod. He had failed as a leader and an artist. 

What was the point of all those years he worked? 

In reality, none of it even seemed to matter.

He heard YG tell him he was dismissed, but it felt so far away like he was drowning underwater unable to get out. 

Hanbin stumbles out of the room with a heavy and tired heart. He always knew what to do in the past, but now he felt lost and alone. 

All he wanted to do was escape. 

————————————————

Chanwoo was waiting for dance practice to start. He had worked really hard on their new dance and wanted to show Hanbin his progress. As that very moment, he heard the door open to the dance studio. Yunhyeong and Bobby walked in. 

It was currently 4 pm and dance practice had already begun; however Hanbin was no where to be found. He wondered where he could be as their leader was usually the first to arrive.

Apparently Bobby was thinking the same thing and asked if Chanwoo had seen Hanbin. He shook his head. 

“We should wait til Hanbin shows” declares Yunhyeong; however as an hour passes by, they are left to sit in their worry for their leader. 

At a certain point, Yunhyeong tries to believe that this is all a prank and their precious hardworking leader will walk through the door with a smile on his face. 

Not even a moment passes by and his hope is crushed when the staff ask when the last time they saw B.I was. Chanwoo recalls that the last time they saw him was last night at the studio. 

Nevertheless, after waiting for another hour, it was clear something was wrong. 

The staff turned off the cameras and Yunhyeong wonders what he could have done to prevent this from happening. 

All the members are wondering where Hanbin could have gone, but all they can do right now is wait. 

5 hours later, at 9pm, the staff get a text from Hanbin. 

—————————————————

Hanbin couldn’t take it anymore. 

All he wanted was a break, but the more he looked at his computer screen, the more helpless his felt. 

Without thinking he grabs Bobby’s hoodie that he stole from his room and his phone and leaves the studio. 

He lets his feet guide him outside where he stands in front of the building with the wind brushing his face. 

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he calls for a taxi and goes to the farthest place he can think of. 

Looking out the window makes Hanbin imagine a world where he was happy. The calming smell of Jiwon’s sweater makes him feel a little more grounded in this moving car with no designation. 

Before he knew it, the taxi stops and he is forced to get out due to the limited cash he had on him. He steps out of the car and finds himself in a park. The sun is starting to set and Hanbins wonder what Yunhyeong is thinking right now. He feels bad because he knows that Yunhyeong is probably really freaking out right now...

His headache is getting worse and his body feels clammy, but for some reason he feels better than he has in the past 2 months.

Sitting on the nearest park bench, he pulls out his notebook that he grabbed in his rush out the door and stares at it for a few minutes. 

How did he write music before? All he could think about was what YG had said earlier. 

Hanbin looked towards the sunset. The colors of pink and yellow mixed and danced in the sky. He relaxed into his seat a little bit more as he watched as the light clouds and soft colors radiated in the sky. 

Hanbin stood up and walked to the edge of the park to see the sky better, he started writing in his notebook and before he knew it, he had an entirely new concept to write about. 

Hanbin turned around to walk back to the cold bench only to be stopped by a stray cat. 

A smile appeared on his face when the cat licked his hand. He thought that the cat’s rough tongue was oddly comforting. 

The light of the moon that had almost fully overtaken the day shined over the small animal. Snapping back to reality, he was shocked to realize how late it had gotten.

After ignoring his phone for hours, Hanbin finally decided to text the staff his location. Looking at his phone was probably not a good idea as he saw countless texts from the members and staff. 

He suddenly felt extremely sorry. He had burdened his team, his members. How could he be so selfish?

Hanbin looked back to the cat who was sitting next to him and licking its paw. All of a sudden, the pain in his chest came back stronger then ever. His breath came out rapidly, and the all too familiar panic attack overtook his body.

He tried to stand up, but was stopped by a violent head ache. He didn’t know when he had gotten so sick, but he could barely stand up before he collapsed to the ground. 

He tried to gasp for air which unfortunately only made his headache worse. 

Hanbin felt his body start to drift as his consciousness left him. Before he passed out, he desperately tried to open his eyes in hopes to see his members running towards him, but to no avail, he was as alone as before.

“Jiwon...” he whispers.

———————————————

5 hours earlier—  
The staff tell us that they just got a message from Hanbin. Chanwoo is the first to ask where he is followed closely by Yunhyeong asking if they can come with them to get him. A few minutes later, all of the Team B members + Chanwoo are squeezed into a van to go get Hanbin who is an hour away from them at Han river. 

Bobby feels distraught. While he tried not to let his worry show in front of the members, he couldn’t stop his leg from  
shaking as they hurried to Hanbin. Recently, he knew how hard it had been for his best friend, but as much as he tried to help, Hanbin worked too hard. In the past, he had been there for Hanbin as he had a panic attack. It was extremely hard to get him to calm down and it felt like Hanbin was not even there with him at certain points. He had spent hours with him and the only thing he could do was cuddle him and softly say comforting words in his ear as he cried. He had never seen his leader break down like that before and his heart broke knowing how much stress he had to endure during “win” and even now. 

Yunhyeong glances at Bobby and immediately noticed the overflowing anxiety. He reached out and touched his leg hoping to give some comfort to him. Bobby looked at Yunhyeong and gave him a reassuring smile. The last thing Yunhyeong wanted was Bobby freaking out before they even got to Hanbin as, at this rate, he was the only one who could help Hanbin.

After what felt like forever, they finally reached the park. Bobby rushes out of the van door and sees Hanbin on the ground breathing hard. He runs faster than he has ever ran before. As he gets closer he hears Hanbin faintly say his name and he is over taken by the need to protect. Jiwon pulls Hanbin his arms and is shocked how hot his skin feels. Yunhyeong and Jinhwan are by his side and are crouched over a very sick Hanbin. A notebook that Hanbin was clenching in his hand falls out of his grip. Yunhyeong picks it up to see pages full of lyrics. 

He wonders how they could have let it go this long.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you guys want a second part! I was thinking of just letting this be a one chapter story, but I didn’t end it on a happy note. I do have some ideas on what to write next, but it might take a long time. I wrote this fanfic like 2 years ago when I was getting into iKON and I never finished it :/ leave kudos pls! 🥰


End file.
